Everybody who went on that rescue mission: don't go back to work until you're feeling up to it. I know some of you have other gigs. That's fine. I'm paying you "vacation" on this gig through December 9. Sterling sent me a nice video note about the thanks of a grateful nation and so on. I'll forward it to whoever wants it. I answered him with an invoice that included a hazard bonus.
He paid it without comment, so each of you should get a $200 bump on your 12/1 check in addition to your mission pay. Is this what being a mercenary on government contract is like? Anyways, Merry Christmas.
Mr. Rasputin also sent us a thank you gift. It's in the lounge. I'm a little in love with it, but I have a real weakness for this kind of thing.
Have a good weekend.
Hey folks. We got some new contracts in this month, so there's work if you're working.
1) Fyodorov gave us a line on another bail jumper. Adrian Adriatti is on the hook for five counts of property destruction and ten counts of assault. It's $3,000 for us if we can bring him in. He's telekinetic and apparently likes to throw things, so be prepared.
2) Pro-mutant activist Subira Arendse is speaking at NYU and requested we provide additional security for her event. She expects protestors - and counter-protests from some of the student groups - so she wants extra bodies to keep anything from escalating.
3) A street vendor who works Mutant Town and the Lower East Side, Taloula Giffords, hired us to find her stolen hot dog cart. She thinks her ex might've taken it. Or maybe a jealous competitor. Or possibly aliens. She's a character. I don't THINK aliens are actually involved.
4) More requests for mutant moving services. There's a guy upstate, Marvin Kravitz, who needs help getting his stuff into what he calls 'a fully functional tree home.'
5) Stagram & Wolf has more papers for us to serve.
6) Open Hands always need security.
7) Neighborhood still needs watching. A couple more businesses signed on to chip into the pool for this contract, so there's (a little) more money for those covering shifts.
Hey everyone. I heard you were looking for jobs.
1) Avenue B Apartments is hiring representatives willing to be present as keepers of the peace during a series of forced evictions scheduled to take place. Their fear is that the mandated police presence during such evictions will only worsen an already impossible situation. As active members of the mutant community, they believe that X-Factor may be in a unique position to help prevent these from escalating to violence or arrests.
2) The New York branch of Mystery! Gaming Co. is interested in compensating any mutant models willing to demonstrate their abilities for the character design team. We have been assured that they take the privacy and dignity of mutants very seriously. Who knows? You might end up signing autographs at a con someday!
3) Mutant Town Tours suffered some vandalism this week. As you probably know, they are a walking and bus tour company that caters to out-of-towners interested in ‘an authentic mutant experience.’ Recently the words ‘Race Traitors’ were spray painted across their storefront along with a few other colorful phrases of anti-human sentiment. Their only functioning tour bus was also subjected to the same treatment. In response, Mutant Town Tours is looking to hire artists willing to cover the offensive tags with new positive imagery and messages of unity.
4) Stagram & Wolf has papers that need serving.
5) The Ashers are a couple from North Carolina that were held up recently while in Mutant Town seeing the sights with their daughter. They are willing to pay any investigators able to retrieve Mrs. Asher’s wedding ring or information that may lead to its return. The ring has been in their family for generations and carries immense nostalgic value. Their daughter who attends college nearby and is our contact was able to snap an Eye image of their assailant but police have been unable to identify the man. Oh, and they aren’t incredibly tactful about what is and is not socially acceptable to say to a mutant so ...enjoy!
6) Open Hands has security guard shifts available.
7) Antiquarian bookseller Dr. Katsiaryna Maysenia is in New York from Belarus while on the hunt for an extremely rare historical manuscript. If authenticated, she has reason to believe that knowledge of its contents may put her very life in danger. This could change everything that we thought we knew! She would like to hire protection to accompany her 24/7 during her time here.
8) Neighborhood watch still needs a few more people for select patrol shifts.
I've had some additional contact with Lt. Colonel Sterling -- some of you were there for his first appearance in our offices at our anniversary party, which was the height of professional dignity for me as I'm sure you recall. The colonel is essentially the military liaison and commander of the project at Glen Haven. If you remember we did some work for them initially and they're primarily research scientists. He and his people have some questions about our uniquely quantum experiences. If anyone has classification levels that haven't been revoked, you're at the top of my list for talking to this guy because my credentials are pretty out of date, but in general, if they ask to talk to you ? I'm not your lawyer, and it's up to you. But Glen Haven is full of research scientists and what they're working on is legit.
Meanwhile, I've got a contact who may be willing to help us turn some of that hero's treasure y'all brought back into cold hard cash, if you don't mind waiting for a good return on your investment. I'm not sharing any details about this contact, at their request, but if you've got interest in liquidating some of those souvenirs for rent money, don't be a stranger -- I may be able to help you out (eventually).
Speaking of the kind of weird stuff we keep getting involved in lately, I've been thinking about this. A lot of us in this business have a lot of experience and we have a wealth of instructive expertise just kind of lying around. I'm not in a position to bankroll this excessively, but if you turn in logged hours of instruction time in self defense or marksmanship, I'll compile them for a special end of year bonus fund for your year's end reviews.
It's not much, I know. But some of us are still pretty green, even after Knowhere, and we keep hiring more all the time. It's a dangerous world out there. If you're willing to do this for your fellow employees, sign up. And remember your year end bonus.
Thanks guys. Keep up the good work. This project is doing better after a year than I dreamed it would, and I know a lot of you still have other real jobs, but I feel so much closer to real life making this work than I did last September.
Hey everyone. A few new jobs on the docket this week .
1) Jennine Park of Long Island is convinced her house is haunted. She's got five cats that apparently keep freaking out at one of her closets. She's offering pretty good pay for dealing with whatever it is.
2) We've had three requests for bodyguards who can also pass as impressive dates for a rooftop gala hosted by Barbaro Law. No idea where they're all getting our name, but let's do a good job with this one, folks. They pay well, and the food should be great. And free.
3) Dianna Lieber (yeah, that Dianna Lieber, CEO of that Eye game Coderunner - don't lie, I know you're all playing it) is convinced she's got someone leaking info to her competitors, but she can't find any solid proof. She's offering a hefty paycheck if we can turn something up by means she can't. She doesn't care if it's admissible in court, but she does care that we can prove it to her.
4) Stagram & Wolf has another heap of papers that need serving. They're a steady customer, let's keep them happy.
5) Security for Open Hands is still paying.
6) Neighborhood watch services. Patrol in the Mutant Town neighborhoods esp between the hours of 11 PM and 4 AM.
Hey folks. It’s been a crazy week or so since we got back and I’ve been running around like mad. I can’t afford to pay you guys for continuing investigating efforts into Christian and the Burundi problem — I mean I’m behind on everything now and I just can’t afford it — but any volunteer hours you want to put in will be appreciated. Here’s what I’ve managed to rustle up:
1.) Service for Stagram & Wolf. They’ve decided to give us another shot under the contract for whatever reason so let's try for speedy turnaround and good customer service here so we don't get fired.
2.) Kelly Ermeier is another bail jumper that Fyodorov has clued us into. $50,000 bail. We’ll take a $3000 bonus if we can bring him in. Watch out, he’s apparently a really talented arsonist.
3.) Neighborhood watch services. Patrol in the Mutant Town neighborhoods esp between the hours of 11 PM and 4 AM.
4.) Liam Xiu has a missing persons he wants us to look into. His girlfriend, Kita Shumava, has been missing now for about two weeks. Her last contact was a tweet about going into the subway at Columbus Circle.
5.) Tia Eldridge is convinced that her wife Tabitha Luis Gonzales is using drugs and she wants someone to find concrete proof one way or the other so that she can get the help she needs.
6.) Security for Open Hands. Still needs doing!
7.) Bailey McClure is looking to locate her long-lost sister Laura because their father’s will requires them to share the house. Bailey wants to liquidate it but can’t unless Laura signs papers allowing it to be sold.
8.) Vince Cleves is in jail and needs to get his hovercar — sapphire blue 2043 Nissan Suisei — out of impound before the bailment company acts to start possessing it and the property inside (including, apparently, a lot of stuff that belongs to his daughter Rian, like her VR equipment and a very expensive musical instrument — anyone play cello?). We’ve got no paperwork to allow us to do this so we may need to impersonate him or use somebody’s sneaky telepath abilities to make this easy.
9.) Mila Svoboda is looking for escort at her gallery opening in Chelsea next weekend and will need people able to blend in with the crowd. Apparently there was some gloating on a reddit somewhere that suggests that there may be some art thieves attending — if we can catch someone that the authorities are looking for, there may even be a reward for information provided?
10.) Mike Hayato, who works at this awesome little barbecue place in Harlem, has a kid — Kozakura, or ‘Kozie’ - whose powers seem to be this weird, uncontrolled combination of lightning and teleportation — like, she seems to be accidentally transporting herself with electrical jolts and ending up weird places.
Keep up the good work. I’m continuing to try and get us more jobs. We’ve lost some reputation by being gone for awhile but don’t worry, I’ll persevere!
[7/12/46, 6:12:59 PM] KJTakahashi: You're killing me.
[7/12/46, 6:13:14 PM] KJTakahashi: Wallace. I can see you typing. Type fucking faster.
[7/12/46, 6:13:30 PM] Jeremy Wallace: It's "Wallace" now? Can't I get arrested for answering this Skype?
[7/12/46, 6:13:38 PM] KJTakahashi: This conversation is officially about visitation. You're killing me.
[7/12/46, 6:14:02 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Can I buy a vowel or something?
[7/12/46, 6:14:15 PM] KJTakahashi: You can have a vowel. The vowel is "y". As in "why". As in why, after months of bitching that I'm so mean for not modifying the parenting plan, I send you the paperwork for the mod -- timestamped like ... three weeks ago by the way -- and you don't sign it, you don't return it, and then we get to July and you're late again with the fucking child support.
[7/12/46, 6:15:20 PM] Jeremy Wallace: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
[7/12/46, 6:15:25 PM] KJTakahashi: ...
[7/12/46, 6:15:38 PM] Jeremy Wallace: I know how cute you are when the steam comes out of your ears.
[7/12/46, 6:15:40 PM] KJTakahashi: JEREMY THEODORE WALLACE
[7/12/46, 6:16:12 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Hang on, I'm getting on the subway.
[7/12/46, 6:16:30 PM] KJTakahashi: I WILL NOT FUCKING HANG ON.
[7/12/46, 6:16:40 PM] KJTakahashi: You may find this whole thing hilarious but I really don't, okay? If you're serious about being part of Gray's life you can't just disappear for weeks at a time without responding to messages and I can't -- I CANNOT -- afford to keep paying for everything on my own. I'm running my own business and I know you are too but Gray's growing, they need ... pants! They want new makeup! They stole quarters from the bowling alley and used them to buy fake tattoos and I had to ground them! For stealing quarters and for putting fake tattoos on their face in the school bathroom.
[7/12/46, 6:17:50 PM] KJTakahashi: I'm not like some kind of money vampire trying to drain you dry, this is about your child, and I _CANNOT_ afford to do it on my own, and you can't keep talking about how unfair I am and how much I suck for not just letting you swan in and out of Gray's life like some kind of albatross bird when you can't even consistently make a one week phone call, and you can't sulk when sometimes Gray doesn't want to. GRAY IS NINE. NINE YEAR OLDS HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONALITIES AND INTERESTS and they don't always want to talk to their weirdo dad about Star Trek.
[7/12/46, 6:18:12 PM] KJTakahashi: THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU BEING A WEIRDO BY THE WAY IT IS ABOUT YOU BEING A HUGE FLAKE.
[7/12/46, 6:18:50 PM] KJTakahashi: I'm sorry I called you a flake. I'm sure something came up. I know you're getting on the train but I'm sure you'll tell me all about it in a minute.
[7/12/46, 6:20:01 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Well, first of all, someone should probably take away your shift key.
[7/12/46, 6:20:06 PM] KJTakahashi: Ho ho.
[7/12/46, 6:20:08 PM] Jeremy Wallace: But second of all, I can't tell you about it.
[7/12/46, 6:20:14 PM] KJTakahashi: You can't tell me? You won't tell me.
[7/12/46, 6:20:54 PM] Jeremy Wallace: No, I mean, I can't tell you. I mean I could be federally indicted if I tell you.
[7/12/46, 6:22:01 PM] KJTakahashi: What the hell are you mixed up in
[7/12/46, 6:23:03 PM] KJTakahashi: Jeremy, what are you involving yourself in up there? I thought the X-Men were over.
[7/12/46, 6:23:33 PM] Jeremy Wallace: They were.
[7/12/46, 6:23:39 PM] Jeremy Wallace: They are!
[7/12/46, 6:24:40 PM] KJTakahashi: OK.
[7/12/46, 6:24:49 PM] KJTakahashi: But that's the ballpark.
[7/12/46, 6:25:01 PM] Jeremy Wallace: I'm not confirming or denying that.
[7/12/46, 6:25:30 PM] KJTakahashi: Fuck.
[7/12/46, 6:26:30 PM] Jeremy Wallace: I don't think this conversation is about visitation anymore.
[7/12/46, 6:27:01 PM] KJTakahashi: I got the payment but you didn't send back the signed modification.
[7/12/46, 6:29:01 PM] Jeremy Wallace: I thought you were revoking it because the child support was late again.
[7/12/46, 6:29:04 PM] KJTakahashi: Not for X-Men stuff. Not this time. Not when you were good for six months. But ... you can't miss holidays anymore, OK? Father's day hurt a lot. He made you a card.
[7/12/46, 6:33:02 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Can I see it?
[7/12/46, 6:33:06 PM] KJTakahashi: After the fourth week without a call we decided to put it in the mail instead. You should have it soon if you don't already.
[7/12/46, 6:34:34 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Oh.
[7/12/46, 6:35:00 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Thanks.
[7/12/46, 6:35:06 PM] KJTakahashi: SEND ME THE MOD BACK OH MY GOD. I need to send it Jeanine so she can get it filed in the morning.
[7/12/46, 6:36:09 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Are you sure?
[7/12/46, 6:40:51 PM] KJTakahashi: This is for Gray, Jeremy. It's not about either of us.
[7/12/46, 6:41:02 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Sent.
[7/12/46, 6:42:02 PM] Jeremy Wallace: I'm going to exercise these visitation rights you know. I mean, this isn't just paperwork. I'm going to come over there.
[7/12/46, 6:42:09 PM] KJTakahashi: How the fuck are you going to get away?
[7/12/46, 6:42:48 PM] Jeremy Wallace: I know a guy.
[7/12/46, 6:43:02 PM] KJTakahashi: Well, you're full of shit, and I'm not getting Gray's hopes up until you're actually here, you flaky bastard.
[7/12/46, 6:43:10 PM] Jeremy Wallace: Fair enough.
[7/12/46, 6:43:18 PM] KJTakahashi: Sorry I called you a bastard.
[7/12/46, 6:43:44 PM] Jeremy Wallace: You always did have a nasty mouth.
[7/12/46, 6:43:58 PM] KJTakahashi: I'm fucking blocking you.
Initial message to XFS: Shit guys, emergency, fucking -- aliens attacking us at the office -- son of a bitch -- [shattering glass] [message cuts off]
A couple hours later, a followup message goes off:
Alien son of a bitch took Richard and this kid who showed up at our office in a homemade superhero costume with a goddamned cape. There's two blown up monsters all over the conference room. Also our windows are busted to shit.
X-Force people have been getting some intelligence about the Staten Island incident six years ago that is relevant to now. It's classified as hell, but I'm pretty sure it's getting out, based on the massive alien monster corpses currently littering my conference room.
There's a portal. Shit's coming through. They've taken prisoners and I don't care if it's the last thing I do, I'm getting them back.
Peace, guys. I'll be in the ER if anybody needs me.
It's almost summer! You know what summer means? Apparently, it means a couple of new contracts. Take a look at our jobs list, because it's expanding into several regular gigs.
1.) Process! Congratulations, ladies and gentlemen, because pursuant to this contract I got with Stagram & Wolf in Manhattan, I've gotten us a bonded license as process servers. We're now on retainer to be available to serve process all over the tristate area within 6 hours of documents dropped in our hot little hands. I've also negotiated us a sweet bonus provision if they need us to go outside of the tristate area. These will come in fast and need to be handled very quickly, so those of you who sign up for this duty I'm basically going to put on hourly in the office. There may be some hurry up and wait.
2.) Neighborhood watch. About 10 different local businesses -- some of which we've worked with before -- have come together as a group and asked us to perform neighborhood watch services to keep the streets of Mutant Town safe, especially between the hours of 9 PM and 2 AM. I'm really tempted to go out and buy, like ... old school cop batons. What are they called? Oh yeah, truncheons. I think those are legal.
3.) Mutant escort. OK, this isn't a regular gig, but I did put a link on our website so that people can text us for an escort ? mutants who need to get home in the City can ping us to be walked home. This is like good samaritan shit I know. Bear with me. I'm a good guy. I'll make sure you get paid for it.
4.) Still doing security at Open Hands. I'm sure I don't need to tell you guys what they need from us here.
5.) The Etzinkoder family seems convinced that their missing person (16 year old runaway Malek Etzinkoder) has taken to living in the sewers, but the police haven't been able to locate him. Track him down, see if we can convince him to come home, and if not, find him another safe place to be. Not sure what the mutation is. That is, the family isn't even sure, but they think it's something.
6.) Malia Darzi is convinced that her wife is cheating on her with a woman who isn't there. She's willing to pay a lot of money to know the truth. This is probably a divorce issue.
7.) I got a call from one of the night workers at the Museum of Natural History -- no shit -- and there's like three security guards there who want to pay us to make sure that none of the fossilized exhibits are actually being animated and going to destroy anybody. I told them it's months til October and the guy on the phone was, I quote you: "No shit."
8.) My landlord -- well, a lot of our landlord?? -- needs us to clear all of the stuff out of an evictee's apartment and into a storage unit with no damage to any of the items. On the plus side, we're also going to get first dibs on the apartment. It's one of the upstairs units and it's got two bedrooms, an extra deep bathtub (plus), and a kitchen you could probably thread a needle with (minus). If none of you want it let me know because I seriously need a new apartment. P.S. does anybody want a roommate? Okay this is an inappropriate use of my access to this mailer so sue me.
9.) DOGS. There has been a plague of loose stray dogs in Brooklyn since last week. I don't know why, but Amy Verde with animal control would like us to help deal with it, preferably in a way that does not involve dogs having to be put down.
It's tax season, and that means it's time for a bunch of people to look us up who might not normally have the money and hire us to do really weird shit. Like so:
(1) Ilana Zielder is looking for her lost engagement ring. She and her wife Tillie (Matilda Jameson) have been married for almost ten years. She insists that her apartment was robbed about a year ago by a mutant with the power to walk through walls. She thinks she can give you a description of the guy, because he was a pretty memorable asshole ? which gave me a better idea. Ainsworth, I'd like you to team up with somebody on this one if you're willing. If you can get a reliable image, enough where we could get a positive ID, we can start on this cold case. The ring was a custom job ? diamonds and pearls in white gold the shape of a couple of like, stylized polar bears, I'll attach a photo she gave me ? and if we can get it back in time for their tenth anniversary in July, we'll get a fat bonus. I told her not to hold her breath ... but I also told her I was dumb enough to try. Which is kinda how I roll.
(2) Rene Akamatsu is looking for private tutoring for his son, Jacob Akamatsu. This will be an ongoing commitment until Jacob figures out how to not shoot spines into the walls. The family will pay in a combination of money to the business and barter, i.e., tutor will be provided food and goods at Akamatsu's branch of World Market in Amityville. The catch is discretion. Rene doesn't want it getting out to the neighbors.
(3) Calliope Ezarbaija is looking for a few good people to help her traul the bottom of the ocean for a missing treasure. I can't make this stuff up, guys. The ship sank in 2032. It was transporting a lot of people. What she's looking for is the will of Jose Truvejinho Ezarbalia, who died aboard the ship. She believes that her mother Isabella Hannah Molquinta-Ezarbalia was the sole beneficiary in the will and if she can produce a copy of it she's going to be in for a lot more money in her mother's estate than she currently is. This trip will require a trip to Alaska. I told her we couldn't fly there, she told me to take the train to Chicago where she and the rest of her team will fly you in her chartered plane. Um, also, she's a little lonely and, uh, grabby. Watch out for wandering hands.
(4) Anybody who has a mutation that they think might be SHOWY or EXCITING to watch, and who is not, uh, terribly afraid of glitter and/or amazing makeup, check in with Leo Panza at the Flea because he's trying to put together a benefit in the park. My mom always said I should have run away and joined the circus.
(5) Sulemain Aldado was held on bail for $200,000 in a case of elder abuse and assault on a police officer. We'll get a $5000 bounty if we can pull him in.
(6) Vanessa Xi-Yang is looking for her lost husband. If we could investigate this and figure out what's happened to him, she'd be grateful. His name is Paul Xi-Yang. He was last seen leaving work at the Alphabet City Wine Company on Thursday of last week.
(7) The law firm has a few more courier gigs lined up in the next couple of weeks that they'd like taken care of. One of them will be a serious service avoidance from somebody with money to burn and you might need to get creative in order to catch and personally serve him.
(8) We've contracted to provide security at Open Hands with Luka Zdravkovic. In light of what all's been going on since the attack there lately, they need some bodies who aren't afraid of a little risk. It's basically security guard work, which is not always exciting, but these kids need help, and Luka's providing it, so?. Those of you who remember him from Xavier's should pop in and say hi anyways. Maybe that's just me. God, I'm old.
That's it for now, guys. Remember if you line up work for us all, there's money in it for you!
Ask me questions about my characters and I will answer. The meme is entirely OOC, questions and answers both. Use it as a fun time to find about about characters' choices, motivations, feelings, actions, or anything else you've been wondering.
ASK ME ABOUT: Jeremy. I can do Eleanor too if you want but she's not been around as much.
TO: X-Factor Solutions
You know, there's a possibility that anyone looking to change their roommate situation might not respond to an advertisement couched in those terms.
But I'll be sure to tell the client that my people were fighting over the privilege.
Welcome back to electrical power. I've got some tasks that need doing so here's hoping we've got the force for the task ... force. Right? All right, not all the jokes can be good. Anyways:
1) The law firm we've been working with would like to use our services to assist with a replevin, which apparently means 'a getting of stuff'. Tammy Xiohui has a court order that says she gets this shiny red 1958 Aston Martin in the divorce and her lawyers think there's a chance her ex-wife is going to fire weapons or hire thugs to keep it. If you see a picture of the car, you may see why there's this worry. Serve the papers, get the car. You're going to have to go to White Plains to get it. If anything happens to the car, I'm pretty sure we're going to get shot. By someone.
2) There are a couple of local businesses here in Mutant Town that have gone together to hire us to clean up some damage that occurred during the snowstorm: Viorani's, the shoe and leather repair shop, and the upstairs electronics store apparently suffered some serious damage and possibly some break-ins and looting. Help get 'em cleaned up and figure out what's missing. We'll see about a separate agreement to recover lost electronics when you're done.
3) When Gino's Specialty Meat Market lost power, their backup generators failed to kick in and they're going to have to dump all of their inventory. Gino thinks it was cold enough that most of the meat was still good but he doesn't want to risk the health inspectors being angry at him. Our job: help Gino sort through all of the meat, figure out what's still safe, and give everything that's still safe to the food bank. We're being paid for this but Gino may also be persuadable on the subject of free sausages, which, hey! Why not?
4) There's a couple of journalists poking around my office today looking for quotes for a puff piece about mutants putting their neighborhood back together. I checked 'em out and they're probably not trying to make us look bad. We won't get paid for this one but it could be good advertising. I chatted with them for awhile. Simon Kavanaugh and Iria Duquaine -- their contact info is available in the lobby if anyone wants to check it out.
5) Harry Dovicki is an ice manipulator who's used the opportunities given him by his unusual cold resistance to skip town. Fyodorov wants him to the tune of $10,000. We'll get $550 if we pick him up.
6) Xavier's School has had a runaway. Cami Vogel-Yi. Ms. Pryde reports the last time they saw her she was in her bunk where she was supposed to be, but she's a technopath and skilled at disappearing when she wants to. Ms. Pryde also says that she may have done a runner because she has a personal medical issue that she doesn't want to discuss with any adults. Outside of maybe Planned Parenthood. I could say something snarky about how the school needs my help now but I'd rather just find this kid and take care of her.
7) I've gotten several requests for bodyguards in the last week. I don't have a lot of information about all of them and I'm a little disinclined to take things that look shady. I'm not sure where this stuff comes from. If any of my PI licensed personnel want to run checks on the attached list of names, I'll accept gigs for any of them that look legit.
8) I do have a request for private security at a party function at an art gallery in Chelsea that looks fine and also lucrative. Apparently there's some kind of statue unveiling and there's been some controversy about the erotic content so they're worried about protestors or general disruption.
I know that a lot of our resources are being aimed at the Russian issue and, like, dragons invading Mutant Town and so on, but work goes on — we gotta keep ourselves in funds if we’re gonna help the helpless, etc. So here’s a list of what we’ve rustled up for this week:
(1) Kieran Iskiergaard, former Norwegian world champion figure skater and let me tell you I’ve never typed that one before, is in NYC pitching a show. There’s been a Friends of Humanity threat on his life because his twin granddaughters were outed as mutants in that big twitter bomb a couple months ago. He wants bodyguards.
(2) We’ve got another bounty from Fyodorov. Registered sex offender Dahlia Quentin. Her bail was set at $300,000 and it looks like the bondsman accidentally put it up without any collateral. Fyodorov thinks telepath or something. This is a huge embarrassment to him if she gets away. The bounty is $10k, but if we can keep it a secret that this ever happened and bring her in without anyone being the wiser, there will be a discretion bonus that Fyodorov says will be significant.
(3) Lia Xhiu Ville is an investigative journalist out here from the UK and she’s offering 500 pounds if we can get her an exclusive with either of the mutants who were cashiered from Mutant Affairs. 750 if we can get both. We’re apparently the mutant connection here in town, guys.
(4) The law firm needs us for two more courier jobs. One of them will involve a trip upstate to establish service on some rich dude in Albany.
(5) There’s a rumor that there’s a shapeshifter hiding in the Bronx Zoo. I’ve been asked to follow up on it.
(6) There’s a NYC-based toy company that would like to remain nameless for the moment, but if we can work a Christmas morning surprise at a list of local youth shelters with their merch, they’ll pay us. Adventures in mutant marketing and stealth gifting. I’m not sure this is a great idea, but the money is good, and it’s kind of hilarious, so— you know, your discretion, whoever wants to take this.
Thanks for a great holiday party, everyone. I hope everyone who celebrates it has a super awesome Christmas.
First of all, I'd like to report that the amazing chocolate and fruit arrangement sitting in the lounge was sent to me by a satisfied client. I'm pretty sure it's not poisoned or drugged but if anybody knows how to check that without eating it, please feel free.
Seriously, they sent us a fruit arrangement. Happy days.
Here's a list of available jobs this week:
1) There's an import store owned by this couple of Filipino dudes I met at the bodega. They apparently tried standing up to those Russian guys you all scared off our building this past week and ended up with an entire shipment of goods misdirected into a serious catastrophe. If the same thing happens to their next boatload coming in at the docks this week, they're going to have to file for bankruptcy. Guard the goods, make sure they get their stuff, make sure it's all unloaded safely, and totally buy some cool stuff off those guys while you're at it! I got an awesome hat.
2) Leah Tuvoa, at the Tompkins Square branch of the New York Public Library, has asked us to look into the possibility of a skeleton person living inside the library basement and possibly eating old books and documents. Yeah, I know we're a few weeks too late for skeletons. I'm not sure what's going on, but I bet we can figure it out!
3) Fyodorov has another bounty for us. $5,000 on a $150,000 bond for Wilson Trevor. (Yeah, Wilson Trevor, not Trevor Wilson. I checked like three times.) The crime is possession of cocaine with intent to deliver. The complication is that he's a registered mutant with gills and amphibious webbing. He's got two charges of eluding and one for assault on an officer because he managed to very nearly drown one of the local MA boys the last time law enforcement got close.
4) Tabitha Semany doesn't think the police are going to be able to find her stolen aircar (sporty bright red 2042 Chevrolet Windsinger, vanity plate BBYCAKES). It was street parked in front of her parents' house in Long Island overnight and was gone in the morning.
5) The law firm has asked if we're prepared to play courier again because there may be a few times they need us this week. So, that's cool!
6) Ezekiel Reeves would like us to retrieve his grandson, as well as a small chest full of items of extreme personal value, from his daughter's home in North Carolina. The house is reported to be in the direct path of the storm down there. It may take some doing getting down there, but Mr. Reeves is prepared to pay whatever it takes for this retrieval.
One last thing.
I know a lot of you are sort of isolated and far from your families. And hey, I know a lot of you aren't even American and might not care so much about this particular holiday, but. If you don't have anywhere else to be on the holiday, I'm inviting you to my place for Thanksgiving. My roommates will be out of town. Just give me a heads up before next weekend if you plan on coming so I know how much food to buy.
Happy Hallowe'en. I hope none of you are hung over. I'm in no way hung over right now because telling you that in a work communication would be pretty unprofessional.
But for a totally unrelated reason, I'll get right to the point:
Remember, if you shake out work on your own, that commission bonus is all yours!
We're really starting to expand our ranks in a really diverse way and it's great. Keep an eye out for mutants with useful talents. If you see anyone who seems really awesome, don't be afraid to give them our pitch. I've got paper and digital copies of the basic contract proposal. I'll vet anyone you send me before I hire them on for real, but why not? We're starting to get more and more work. Given a few more weeks like these last couple, I'm really optimistic about where we're headed.
New jobs available this week:
1) Bounties for Fyodorov. One New York City bail jump. Bounty is $20,000 and I don't think I can emphasize enough how much we can use that. The bond skipped was $350,000. Two counts assault 2 (deadly weapon), two counts arson. The lady's name is Desada. She's got three known aliases and apparently an acquittal for a murder attempt a few years ago so she's pretty bad news. 'Consider armed and dangerous'. She had a NYC local apartment which means we'll be able to get something with her actual 'scent' on it. I've got a few of you who who can be trackers and I bet we can get this done, guys. Stay safe, though.
2) Bounty for Fyodorov. $1000 bounty on a $15,000 bail jump for theft of a motor vehicle. License plate has been stripped, but the car is a 1975 Chevrolet Nova with flames painted on it. I'm going to assume they've spray painted over the flames.
3) There is a 'monster' that has been lurking around the Greyhound Brooklyn Transit Line. The rumor is it's eaten people but nobody has given an identified victim. My guess is we've got a scared kid who doesn't know what's going on. Check it out. The manager will pay us to make this problem go away.
4) Selene Duvanal is apparenty a pop music artist that I've never heard of, but she's got money and she wants to hire bodyguards for a tour. This will take you out of the city and to a couple of concert venues in shitty little towns I mean awesome kitschy places upstate. You'll be gone for 8 days so don't take this one if you can't find somebody to look after your fish.
5) I'll pay someone a minimal fee to look after the pets of whoever goes on #4 if necessary?
6 & 7) I've got two more families who want to hire us for mutant moving action.
8) and one business that wants to unload an entire warehouse full of stuff onto a transport truck.
Keep an eye out and remember that commission bonus if you bring us business, folks!
Available jobs this week:
1) Stolen engagement ring, sapphires and platinum, very classy. Retrieval bonus if the ring itself is located. Police don't have time/manpower to track the thieves. There may be a city reward for information leading to the apprehension of one of these guys so if we find the boys and the ring we may be able to collect twice. Getting paid twice for the same job is my kind of afternoon!
2) Out of town gig to a farm a few hours north of the City. Storm blew down a shed. Mutant activity suspected but for my money it was just the wind. Anyways, they want help putting the shed back up. I'm not too good for a shed! Are you?
3) PS 34 arson threat turned out to be facebook posts from a kid pyro who doesn't know what she's doing. Please let's see if we can take care of this kiddo before Mutant Affairs gets to her. Her mom will pay us. Honestly this is the kind of thing I'd love to be able to do for free, but you know how it goes.
4) Spotters for 18th Street. Simon says one of the new vendors at his fighting ring might be M.A. setting up to snatch one of his fighters and he wants to know for sure. Do you like Polish sausage?
5) Movers. It's not glamorous but it's what the people need. From Brooklyn to Queens. We don't need to provide the van, just the manpower.
6) New York City documentary filmmaker looking for at least three mutants, doing a highlight on Mutant Town. Check out her filmography (link provided). Her politics are so lefty she makes me look like a redneck. Flower crowns may be optional. Anybody wanting to keep a low profile should probably skip this one.
We're really starting to pick up more clientele, and Fyodorov says he may have a couple more for me next week. Keep up the good work and remember, if you hustle up a job yourself you'll get that sweet commission bonus! Thanks guys.
(1) Hovervehicle crash at the top of a building. Please help client retrieve as much of the vehicle and its contents as possible.
(2) Missing persons on a new-manifested mutant (age 13). Uncontrolled shapeshifter. Client is one of two parents. The other one may not ... want him back, entirely. Last seen somewhere near the Meat Shack.
(3) Bondsman's bounty posted on federal fugitive (drugrunner accused, nonconviction). Return to Fyodorov's for $3000 bounty on $150,000 bail jump.
(4) Rat infestation at local restaurant. Cash only, no reporting to health dep't. Strict NDA (no Eyes or social media please).
If you drum up business in addition to these, remember your commission bonus and shake your tails out there, people!