The more I practice, the more I see what Vitaly kept from me all those years. The more I understand why they never let me leave him, and why even Eva was scared of me.
How can she control what I do if I don't want her to? How much must she want it, before her will overpowers mine?
I have spent the night willing the door to blow open, to blow closed. This is a small thing, and I don't think it takes much. It is easy for a latch to stick, for a gust of wind to blow, for a pebble to be kicked into the frame. So many possibilities, it almost feels like nothing. The door has no preferences. It does not care if it is open or closed.
People are harder.
Some people are eager to please. If I say what I want, they have already half-decided to do it. I am getting better at telling when my luck must stir to persuade them, and by how much. I should have recognized - the more it works, the hungrier I get. I think many mutations work like this.
I wonder, if I were good at persuading without the luck, would it be even easier? If I could find the thing they almost want to do anyway, and make it match what I want. It seems like it would be.
I am getting tired of making people bump into each other, or drop their books, or say hello to strangers. I don't think I am learning anything from this anymore. It was good at first, to recognize the feel of my luck when it is moving and when it is still.
But there are still so many questions. Questions I did not know I had.
How long does my luck last, if I am making someone want something? If the cop wants to protect me, and my luck tipped the balance, will she hold to that decision or will it fade? Does it depend on how much my luck had to work? On how often I see her?
How far can my luck extend? Must I see things? Why can't it work over a comm? Could it work over a comm if I am near the person?
Does speaking make it easier because it is speaking, or because they help convince themselves, because the idea has been planted? Can I make someone do something they are not even thinking of? Can I spark that idea with nothing more than luck?
How much attention is needed to keep luck in place? I want to stay safe. Do I need to focus on that every day? I do not want to be hit by a car. Do I consider that every time I walk down the street, or does my luck do it for me?
Can I turn it off?
I still do not know.