It's tax season, and that means it's time for a bunch of people to look us up who might not normally have the money and hire us to do really weird shit. Like so:
(1) Ilana Zielder is looking for her lost engagement ring. She and her wife Tillie (Matilda Jameson) have been married for almost ten years. She insists that her apartment was robbed about a year ago by a mutant with the power to walk through walls. She thinks she can give you a description of the guy, because he was a pretty memorable asshole ? which gave me a better idea. Ainsworth, I'd like you to team up with somebody on this one if you're willing. If you can get a reliable image, enough where we could get a positive ID, we can start on this cold case. The ring was a custom job ? diamonds and pearls in white gold the shape of a couple of like, stylized polar bears, I'll attach a photo she gave me ? and if we can get it back in time for their tenth anniversary in July, we'll get a fat bonus. I told her not to hold her breath ... but I also told her I was dumb enough to try. Which is kinda how I roll.
(2) Rene Akamatsu is looking for private tutoring for his son, Jacob Akamatsu. This will be an ongoing commitment until Jacob figures out how to not shoot spines into the walls. The family will pay in a combination of money to the business and barter, i.e., tutor will be provided food and goods at Akamatsu's branch of World Market in Amityville. The catch is discretion. Rene doesn't want it getting out to the neighbors.
(3) Calliope Ezarbaija is looking for a few good people to help her traul the bottom of the ocean for a missing treasure. I can't make this stuff up, guys. The ship sank in 2032. It was transporting a lot of people. What she's looking for is the will of Jose Truvejinho Ezarbalia, who died aboard the ship. She believes that her mother Isabella Hannah Molquinta-Ezarbalia was the sole beneficiary in the will and if she can produce a copy of it she's going to be in for a lot more money in her mother's estate than she currently is. This trip will require a trip to Alaska. I told her we couldn't fly there, she told me to take the train to Chicago where she and the rest of her team will fly you in her chartered plane. Um, also, she's a little lonely and, uh, grabby. Watch out for wandering hands.
(4) Anybody who has a mutation that they think might be SHOWY or EXCITING to watch, and who is not, uh, terribly afraid of glitter and/or amazing makeup, check in with Leo Panza at the Flea because he's trying to put together a benefit in the park. My mom always said I should have run away and joined the circus.
(5) Sulemain Aldado was held on bail for $200,000 in a case of elder abuse and assault on a police officer. We'll get a $5000 bounty if we can pull him in.
(6) Vanessa Xi-Yang is looking for her lost husband. If we could investigate this and figure out what's happened to him, she'd be grateful. His name is Paul Xi-Yang. He was last seen leaving work at the Alphabet City Wine Company on Thursday of last week.
(7) The law firm has a few more courier gigs lined up in the next couple of weeks that they'd like taken care of. One of them will be a serious service avoidance from somebody with money to burn and you might need to get creative in order to catch and personally serve him.
(8) We've contracted to provide security at Open Hands with Luka Zdravkovic. In light of what all's been going on since the attack there lately, they need some bodies who aren't afraid of a little risk. It's basically security guard work, which is not always exciting, but these kids need help, and Luka's providing it, so?. Those of you who remember him from Xavier's should pop in and say hi anyways. Maybe that's just me. God, I'm old.
That's it for now, guys. Remember if you line up work for us all, there's money in it for you!